Complaining at work: Take steps to manage

Moan, groan, whinge. Are you a complainer at work? If so, it’s time to turn the tide, and for many reasons:

• being a complainer does nothing for your professional reputation—indeed, it can cause major damage
• complaining is unfair to others—their energy is sapped by listening to you carry on and on
• being a complainer is bad for your mental and physical health
• complaining wastes valuable work time
• being a complainer isn’t a positive way to solve workplace issues; it’s counter-productive.

While there are other reasons to stop complaining, your challenge is getting there. Complaining can become a habit, so much so that you may be the last one to realise you’re whinging all the time.

How do you know you’re a complainer?

Assess your bellyaching with honesty and—if you’re brave—ask others to help.

• Are you happy to express negative opinions without offering solutions?
• Do you carry on about a past event that didn’t make you happy?
• Is your first instinct to complain out loud rather than to reflect within?
• Do you blame others?
• Do you consume loads of air time moaning about the same thing?
• How often do you vent your frustrations?
• Is your automatic approach to be irritable?
• Are you stuck in a cycle of negativity?

Do you know the difference between complaining and venting?

The difference between complaining and venting is frequency and repetition.

Venting is quickly airing your frustration once and moving on. Complaining never stops. It’s continually raising the same issues and wallowing in your feelings, without positive actions or solutions.

Don’t I have the right to complain?

A professional approach is to express concerns and then move forward. While it might make you feel better having unloaded, chances are this short-term gain leads to long-term pain. The reality is that complaining is toxic, to you and others.

With yourself, it can trigger stress, interfere with work performance, interrupt wellbeing, and interrupt your ability to think clearly. Some research says complaining can cause brain damage. You can even be isolated at work, with others not wanting to be dragged down with you.

With others, your complaining can cause severe anxiety. Not everyone feels comfortable being with a whinger. Many are conscious that listening to complaining eats up valuable time. This can cause stress in getting work done. Complaining can also break trust, cause factions, and lead to delays and missed deadlines. To be honest, complaining at work isn’t fair to others at any time and on any level.

With your managers, complaining can become a major workplace issue, even leading to performance management and disciplinary action.

Why do I complain?

People moan and groan for various reasons, some highly complex. Complaining can be:

• addictive and even give you an adrenaline rush
• caused by a feeling of insecurity, often not understood by even yourself
• a bad habit formed over a long period that you’re unaware of.

Isn’t complaining a great way to blow off steam?

You may complain because you feel great after blowing off steam. While this might be fine for you, think about colleagues and team members and the negative ripple effect you’re causing.

How do I manage my complaining?

• monitor your complaining for a week—record the number of times you whinge and for how long
• use the results as a wake-up call
• change your language from negative to positive
• decide to complain inside your head, to express how you feel, and then move on
• remember that complaining achieves very little
• choose productive action instead, offering suggestions on how to solve the issues you’re complaining about.

If self-managing your complaining behaviour isn’t working, talk to your manager about your habit and see what help is available internally at work.

You can also talk to other experts, like your Employee Assistance Program or HR. You might even want to hire a coach or talk to a mentor.

And last, but not least, read up on complaining and use your learning to transform into a positive thinker. Here are some suggestions:

How to develop a positive attitude at work

Techniques for changing negative to positive

Case study: Tom the Whinger

Tom continually complained about how his colleague Jane was an arrogant, bossy micromanager. He also complained about his manager saying he was unorganised and uncaring. If that wasn’t enough, Tom also had a mouthful of complaints about a client he felt was too demanding.

Every day, Tom would hold court in the office about his feelings, never proposing any solutions.

Colleagues became so concerned they approached management about Tom’s negativity and reported he was spending more time bellyaching than working. They were worried that Tom was slowly getting behind on his commitments to a major project and affecting the team’s ability to meet the deadline.

Tom’s manager called him in and—much to his surprise—gave him honest feedback. He advised Tom to stop complaining and, instead, focus on his responsibilities. Tom, however, was a chronic whinger and couldn’t help himself. He kept on complaining.

Tom’s boss had no choice but to start performance managing him. Eventually, Tom was let go. His team heaved a sigh of relief.